If you think someone you know has been sexually assaulted, there are lots of ways in which you can help them.
If someone has been sexually assaulted their reactions can vary; they may be afraid, angry or have no outward reaction at all. They might even act in ways that seem unusual to you, even laughing at seemingly inappropriate times.
Disclosures can come in many forms; it could be something said jokingly, a story that someone starts to tell then stops and says it doesn't matter, or it could be a question. You are not expected to be a professional counsellor; however how someone responds to a first disclosure can be really important. It can take time for a person to decide what they want to do and how they want to move forward.
- Are they in immediate danger? If they are in immediate danger or seriously injured on campus they can call the Brunel Security Team on 01895 255786. If they are off campus, contact the Emergency Services on 999.
- Find a safe space. If an incident has just happened try and find somewhere they feel safe. If this isn't possible and they are scared or fearful they can call the Brunel Security Team on 01895 255786 or the Emergency services on 999.
- What is sexual assault? This section describes the different types of sexual assault that a person can experience.
- Sexual assault is a crime of power and control. The most important thing is to respond in a way that maximizes their choice and control over what happens next. You can simply ask them what they need or want. They might not make the same decision you would; however, only they can decide what is best for them. You can help them explore options, but avoid telling them what they should do.
- Listen. Just taking the time to listen to someone and talk about what has happened can help. These six active listening tips might help you support them. - Published on Oct 4, 2015 Based on the Samaritans guidelines for active listening.
- Give options. When they have finished talking ask them if they are ok to talk through some possible options and next steps. Remember, it is important that they decide what they want to do.
- Independent Sexual Violence Advisors (ISVAs). You can find an ISVA location close to you here . ISVAs are people who are trained to look after the needs of a survivor of rape or sexual violence to ensure they receive the best possible care and understanding. Contact them and ask to speak to an advisor in confidence. ISVAs are there to provide information to ensure an individual can make a decision that is right for them.
- The Havens: A group of Sexual Assault Referral Centres in London, offering support for anyone who has been sexually assaulted or raped. We have specially trained, experienced professionals who can give you medical help and advice, counselling and psychology, sexual health screening, and practical and emotional support. The havens can offer forensic medical examinations 24/7, psychology and counselling sessions Monday – Friday and also therapy workshops for individuals, families and carers. For more information, please visit www.thehavens.org.uk or call 0203 299 2599.
- Survivors UK: This chairty are seeking to break down the myths and taboo surrounding male rape and sexual abuse, thereby hoping to create an environment in which male survivors feel safe to disclose. Furthermore, as an organisation, we offer a range of support services including counselling and therapy appointments as well as online chat. All services are provided by trained professionals who as specialists in the field of male sexual violence have helped many men to work through their experiences. SurvivorsUK was established as a service for male survivors, however we are an inclusive service and welcome anyone who identifies as male, trans, non-binary, has identified as male in the past, or anyone who feels that we are the right fit for them.
- The London Survivors Gateway: This is the hub for sexual violence support services, a partnership between London Rape Crisis Centres, Galop, Survivors UK and The Havens. There is an online referral form for reporting abuse. It would be useful to have this on the Sexual Violence page.
- Reporting to the police. If you're thinking of reporting to the police, rape crisis has produced a useful list of things to think about.
- Reporting the incident anonymously. You can call crime stoppers at any point on 0800 555 111 or use their online form.
- Report and Support. Students and staff can report an incident using the University’s Report and Support system. You can choose to do this anonymously or you can make a report with contact details. If you choose to report with contact details, a member of the Student Support and Welfare Team will be able to talk through the options and support available to you.
- They might not want to report the assault to the police or the University. There are a lot of reasons why someone may choose not to report sexual violence.
- In most cases of sexual assault, the offender is known to the victim.
- They might be concerned that people won’t believe them or may not identify what occurred as a sexual assault.
- They may be concerned who else might be informed.
- They may have fear of or confusion about the criminal justice system or what happens if you report it to the University.
- If drugs or alcohol were involved, they may choose not to report because they are worried they will get in trouble as well.
- It is up to them to decide what they want to disclose and to whom. Your support can help them talk through their concerns.
- Let them know that you believe them and support their decisions.
- Remind them that no one, regardless of relationship or status, has the right to hurt them and that no matter what, it is not their fault that this occurred.
- Connect them with resources that can help them understand what happens if you report to the police and or the University.
Things to avoid
- Just saying "it’s not your fault" (without listening to the survivor's story).
- Using key ‘catch phrases’ or common sayings – e.g. “it will all be better with time".
- Probing for details. Let them tell you what has happened in their own time.
- Blaming them – e.g. “what were you wearing?” and “were you drinking?” or “did you text him to come over?”.
- Showing disgust or shock.
- Smirking and showing obvious disbelief.
- "Why didn’t you say straight away? Why are you only coming forward now?".
- Trivialising the experience – “it was only a bit of fumbling”.
Mental Health and Wellbeing
1 in 4 people is affected by a mental health problem in any year and it is estimated that around 1 in 5 people has contemplated suicide or self-harm.
- Find out more on the support available for mental health and wellbeing.
- Take care of yourself. It’s important that you take care of yourself. If you’ve heard something distressing or if something is troubling you, you can let us know via this site or contact the Student Support and Welfare Team.